so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
