How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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