sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize