I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
