I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
