Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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