you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
