sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize