I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
