I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize