I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
