Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize