see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
