so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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