thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
