i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
