I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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