help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Small penises have feelings too.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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