I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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