Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
