I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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