I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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