Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
