I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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