you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
