we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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