Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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