Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
