i think my tv is drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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