I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
