I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
