I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize