Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We talked him into tasing himself.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
