Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
