textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
