I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize