In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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