Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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