Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
