We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize