tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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