i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
