I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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