Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
