the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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