his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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