He disabled his match.com account in front of me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
