Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
