oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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