I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
