I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
