Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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