I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
