Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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