We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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