I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
