the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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