He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
