Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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