i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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