how can u be prego again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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