I CAN MOONWALK!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
