Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize