I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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