he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
