he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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