I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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