I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
