Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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