he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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