are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
