That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
