New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
