Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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