i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
