I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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