the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
