the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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