I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
