just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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