I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
