i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
